The Wisdom of Fortune Cookies

When we snap that golden crescent in two, and the small, portending strip of white paper crinkles and unfolds, a plethora of expressions manifest- at times, the warm smile spreads and lights our eyes, or the furrowed brow of quizzicality, or, most often, the classic incredulity. But when a delicious cookie combines with a brief glimpse into the distant future, how can you go wrong? Everyone always leaves room for a fortune cookie, even non-believers, because we think “What can it hurt?” If we receive a bad fortune, we can write it off as pure poppycock, a rigged scheme to give us all some entertainment. On that same token, when we receive a good fortune, we try to interpret it into the framework of our lives, mashing it like a square peg knocks against a round hole. And then proceed to play all those Lucky Numbers in the state lottery. Who knew your life can be dictated by the wisdom of fortune cookies? Each time I open these baked oracles, I can just hear a tiny, gray-haired Asian sage (lets call him Confucius) narrating. Here’s some of the good fortune heralded to me, via take-out fortune cookies and Dove dark chocolate candy wrappers:

“Wait! Don’t scrap the past, when something can still be salvaged!”

Interpretation: Go ahead! Text him! I mean, you sound like a babbling idiot, but the fortune cookie says a scrap of hope remains!

“Your mind will be open to information from many different sources.”

Interpretation: STUDY FOR FINALS

“Be free. Be happy. Be You.”

Interpretation: Rediscover yourself over winter break, you deserve it.

Who knew your life can be dictated by the wisdom of fortune cookies? Am I foolish for even contemplating the validity of soothsaying? Does it matter? That cookie made me stop and think, reminding me of the timeless philosophical debate- do we choose our own destiny via free will, or are we on a pre-determined path? Riddle me that, Fortune Cookie. Tarot cards, ouija boards, crystal balls- we all try to get a leg up on the future, but, do we really want to know? I’ve come to realize that half the fun of reaching your destination is getting there. Cheesy? Maybe. Unscripted, uncommon, unforgettable? Without a doubt.

So I pocket these little pieces of fortune, in the hopes that, someday, all the pieces will comprise the big picture.

Stay Classy,

Jocund Jacqueline

Never judge a person by their facebook picture…

a lesson learned the hard way. We are a part of the generation of facebook creepers. If you are anything like my friends, or me, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You learn to judge a person by their pictures, by the number friends they have, and by their wall posts. Unfortunately, as much as I hate to say this, facebook doesn’t give you the whole story. Here is my experience…

I thought that I had found the perfect man; a basketball player, smart, tall, good body… what more could I ask for? I facebook stocked him for weeks and hoped that one day I could meet him in person. A few weeks later some friends and I decided to go figure skating and our guy friend told me about his friend who wanted to meet me. He told me his name, and I swear my heart stopped. This friend happened to be the man that I had crept on. I got all excited and thought that I was going to have the best night of my life.

The night came and my friends and I got to the dorm and I anxiously waited for him to arrive. When he walked through the door, I stood there (you know, trying to be cool) so I pretended to be texting. As he got closer to me, I lifted my head up to take a good look. I prepared myself to see a gorgeous man. I expected the word “wow” to come out of my mouth but instead, I looked over at my friends and the word “eww” came out.

He looked NOTHING like his facebook picture! I guess he’s just photogenic. I was so disappointed. And although it was hard, I learned my lesson…never judge a person by their facebook picture.

As Mya Angelou would say, “When you learn, teach, when you get, give.” So here is my lesson to you: Don’t judge someone by their facebook, by a picture, or by someone else’s opinion. Learn to wait and make your first impressions by what you experience when you meet people in person.

Throughout all of life’s obstacles, “still I rise” and so will you!

Love Always,

Maya

winter break

as i am stuck in the throws of winter break, i have come to realize something. i sleep. ALL THE TIME.
while this is very exciting for a college student recovering from her first semester in college, for a normal, functioning human being this is less convenient toward anything resembling a life. or a workout schedule. so my friendly reminder for today..
do not spend your whole winter break in bed. you will regret it. you will become a tub of lard. the freshman 15 your worked so hard on p90x ab ripper to avoid will come sneaking up on you.

rise, shine, and smile on lovelies. :)

Life Guidance: Pretending to Be Nice

We all start life as naive children, and as we grow older, it is instilled in us by our parents to "be nice." Advice such as, "do unto others as you wish done to you," encourage us not only to treat others with respect but also to disguise any feelings of annoyance, irritation, or just plain hatred. When we step into adolescence, however, the rules start to change. See: Mean Girls

So, in a world full of backstabbers, liars, or just plain bitches, how do we maintain some level of decency without losing our minds? The answer: Pretend to be nice, and, when need be, cry yourself to sleep. Or cry in the shower. Or cry on the shoulder of a best friend.

You might wonder if "pretending to be nice" would have a negative effect on your character. NO! It does not. The kind of pretending that I speak of is not the kind that is outwardly artificial, the kind who compliments those she does not care for or hangs out with those she speaks poorly of. Perhaps, for better understanding, I will give some steps, followed by some examples...

Step one:
Have a very close circle of friends to whom you share your secrets of dislike. This group should probably be no larger than three or four, or, if you go to college out of state, you might have two separate groups. The point is, don't talk trash to everyone. That's not very nice now, is it?

Step two:
Before you say anything negative, try to think of a positive thing that YOU ACTUALLY MEAN first.
     Example: "I know that she means well, but... "
It is important that you have actually TRIED to see the good side of someone before deciding that there is no hope for them...

Step three:
Be sure that when you speak of your feelings, you censor as much as possible. Though there may be times where it is okay to scream things like "I hate her so much I want to blackmail her!!!" to your best friend, you don't want your listeners to write you off as a crazy person, and, as a result, stop listening to you. Save your worst rants for special occasions, or blogs likes these.


Real world applications:

1: Your boyfriend is texting a girl he is friends with, but also who he knows you are not fond of. You really don't like her, actually.
  What to do? Save the gagging noises for later, and ask, "How is she doing?" Leave it at that. If you pry too much, he will know you're faking it, but he will appreciate that you are accepting of his friendship with this person.

2: Your friend is friends with someone you don't care for.
    What to do? Nothing. Don't bring him or her up. Don't ask questions. DON'T badmouth the person. If your friend brings this person up, listen, don't comment unless you are asked a question. Be honest, your friend should know how you feel about this person. But you should tell of your feelings in a simple, straight to the point way.

3: Your friend is still friends with your ex-boyfriend.
    What to do? Throw dishes. Scream into your pillow. And once your angst is gone, tell her you feel uncomfortable with her friendship with him, but that you don't want to come between them. Be the mature one! When your stupid ex acts... well, stupid, she will be sure to take your side anyway.

4: You have to work with or spend time with someone you dislike.
    What to do? Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. Be yourself. Laugh when something is funny, and don't sit in the corner like a scared little mouse. Be the bigger person and enjoy your time with your friends. And if she says something to you, say as few words as possible without ignoring her completely. I.e., Question: "How are you, Marilyn?" Answer: "I'm good, thanks." And back to your fun you go!

5: Someone you dislike comes over to your house uninvited for a party.
   What to do? Go to the bathroom and repeat: "WHAT THE F*** WTF, WTF!!!" Then breathe, and repeat this, "I have much more integrity, and I can be the bigger person." See example four, and don't say more than you have to. If someone has the balls to come over to your house when they know you aren't friends, you have every right to kick their ass. But, that wouldn't make you look very respectable, especially in front of your friends, family, or boyfriend. Even though this is what I would call an EMERGENCY situation, it is only an emergency test of your ability to keep your cool and not throttle that bitch to the wall.

The overall lesson: treating others with respect and being cordial, while being yourself are the key rules to "pretending to be nice." It takes lots of practice, and in the mean time, I will be trying to take my own advice. In the end, my hope is that these people will bother you, and I, less, since I'm sure there is no situation where they won't bother us at all. They are everywhere, but that gives you all the more chances to be a hero!

Life goes on,
Marilyn

what not to do- finals edition

audrey here,

i'm trying very hard to study for calculus at the moment. (quite obviously, it's not going quite as well as planned. ) and i was thinking of all the best and worst ways to study for finals. so, in my inevitable procrastination and frustration about not being able to understand integrals. here are my best do's and don'ts for finals week.



do: go to office hours and ask for help
don't: study in bed. you will undoubtedly fall asleep. with out fail.

do: study with a group
don't: study with your closest friends who aren't in your class, and will not only not help you study, but will prevent you from studying through assorted forms of snacks, youtube videos, and brilliant ideas to make your own blog! (hmm. familiar anyone?)

do: get some exercise, even if it's just a 20 minute jog. exercise is proven to help you maintain the information you take in while studying.
don't: lock yourself up in the library and not see the light of day for 24 hours. you will go crazy.

do: take snack breaks!
don't: stress eat. bad news bears, all the way around.

do: breathe. stretch. shake. let it go. it's just finals. life will go on.
don't: take your tests so seriously there are tears involved. it'll be okay.


hope that helps!
smile on, 
audrey.

the reject table

once upon a time, this is the reject table. there are five of us who regularly sit together to eat our (relatively disgusting) dining hall food. most understandably, hilarity almost always ensues. 

there are five contributing authors, who will give our opinions and views of the ups and down of college life. from what to wear on a saturday night, to what not to say to your dream guy (this means you LT.) to the best ways to study (or avoid studying, whatever you're looking to do!) to what new songs to download and sing at the top of your lungs. we'll talk about what to do when the dining hall food sucks (and lets face it. when does the food not suck?!), or how to handle assorted mishaps at parties.

hopefully our (mis)adventures will serve as a source of humor and advice for you all.

smile knowing that if we're going to be rejects, we can at least do it together.