We all start life as naive children, and as we grow older, it is instilled in us by our parents to "be nice." Advice such as, "do unto others as you wish done to you," encourage us not only to treat others with respect but also to disguise any feelings of annoyance, irritation, or just plain hatred. When we step into adolescence, however, the rules start to change. See: Mean Girls
So, in a world full of backstabbers, liars, or just plain bitches, how do we maintain some level of decency without losing our minds? The answer: Pretend to be nice, and, when need be, cry yourself to sleep. Or cry in the shower. Or cry on the shoulder of a best friend.
You might wonder if "pretending to be nice" would have a negative effect on your character. NO! It does not. The kind of pretending that I speak of is not the kind that is outwardly artificial, the kind who compliments those she does not care for or hangs out with those she speaks poorly of. Perhaps, for better understanding, I will give some steps, followed by some examples...
Step one:
Have a very close circle of friends to whom you share your secrets of dislike. This group should probably be no larger than three or four, or, if you go to college out of state, you might have two separate groups. The point is, don't talk trash to everyone. That's not very nice now, is it?
Step two:
Before you say anything negative, try to think of a positive thing that YOU ACTUALLY MEAN first.
Example: "I know that she means well, but... "
It is important that you have actually TRIED to see the good side of someone before deciding that there is no hope for them...
Step three:
Be sure that when you speak of your feelings, you censor as much as possible. Though there may be times where it is okay to scream things like "I hate her so much I want to blackmail her!!!" to your best friend, you don't want your listeners to write you off as a crazy person, and, as a result, stop listening to you. Save your worst rants for special occasions, or blogs likes these.
Real world applications:
1: Your boyfriend is texting a girl he is friends with, but also who he knows you are not fond of. You really don't like her, actually.
What to do? Save the gagging noises for later, and ask, "How is she doing?" Leave it at that. If you pry too much, he will know you're faking it, but he will appreciate that you are accepting of his friendship with this person.
2: Your friend is friends with someone you don't care for.
What to do? Nothing. Don't bring him or her up. Don't ask questions. DON'T badmouth the person. If your friend brings this person up, listen, don't comment unless you are asked a question. Be honest, your friend should know how you feel about this person. But you should tell of your feelings in a simple, straight to the point way.
3: Your friend is still friends with your ex-boyfriend.
What to do? Throw dishes. Scream into your pillow. And once your angst is gone, tell her you feel uncomfortable with her friendship with him, but that you don't want to come between them. Be the mature one! When your stupid ex acts... well, stupid, she will be sure to take your side anyway.
4: You have to work with or spend time with someone you dislike.
What to do? Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. Be yourself. Laugh when something is funny, and don't sit in the corner like a scared little mouse. Be the bigger person and enjoy your time with your friends. And if she says something to you, say as few words as possible without ignoring her completely. I.e., Question: "How are you, Marilyn?" Answer: "I'm good, thanks." And back to your fun you go!
5: Someone you dislike comes over to your house uninvited for a party.
What to do? Go to the bathroom and repeat: "WHAT THE F*** WTF, WTF!!!" Then breathe, and repeat this, "I have much more integrity, and I can be the bigger person." See example four, and don't say more than you have to. If someone has the balls to come over to your house when they know you aren't friends, you have every right to kick their ass. But, that wouldn't make you look very respectable, especially in front of your friends, family, or boyfriend. Even though this is what I would call an EMERGENCY situation, it is only an emergency test of your ability to keep your cool and not throttle that bitch to the wall.
The overall lesson: treating others with respect and being cordial, while being yourself are the key rules to "pretending to be nice." It takes lots of practice, and in the mean time, I will be trying to take my own advice. In the end, my hope is that these people will bother you, and I, less, since I'm sure there is no situation where they won't bother us at all. They are everywhere, but that gives you all the more chances to be a hero!
Life goes on,
Marilyn
No comments:
Post a Comment